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Sunday, August 15, 2010

Dining with Pete

I guess I am the slacker here. Shelley and Betsy have been posting and I am watching TV. That's a no-no if you're a blogger. I've never been a blogger, but I'm giving it a shot. Lots of things are changing so that might as well change, too!

I was thinking of sharing the dining experiences I sometimes have with my brother's ex-father-in-law, AKA Pete. I know what you're thinking....what the heck is she doing having dinner with her brother's ex-father-in-law. Well, it's a long story. I am living with my brother for the time being and for reasons I could never explain, Pete also stays here in the summers because Arizona is too hot. He insists on eating out every night. Problem is that he's getting on in years and can't remember from day to day where he is. He has a passion for giving the food servers a hard time and then complaining about the bill when it arrives. He doesn't seem to get the concept that when you take someone with you, the bill usually is twice as much. Lucky for him I have quit drinking and so he doesn't have to deal with my double martini orders. I'll save that for another time!

Now mind you, I do NOT go out with him most of the time. I only get caught in that trap if I was the elected one to take him to the doctor or some other equally exciting task. You can't go anywhere with him without him wanting to stop for food. You just can't. And there's no such thing as a drive thru or quick bite with him. He needs to go in, sit down, have a Jack on the rocks while he mulls over the same menu he's read almost every other night that week. Each time it's like he's never been there before. For example, before we go into Red Lobster, I can tell you he's going to order something called the Sailor's Platter. But he'll look at the menu and then look again and then call the waiter over and ask if they have the Sailor's Platter. Usually this is when the waiter looks at me like "weren't you just here yesterday and didn't he have that?" and I will just nod and smile. So the Sailor's Platter will finally be ordered, along with a beer. Then he will take 3 times longer than any other human being on earth to eat the food while he tells you that he was in the Navy and has been around the world twice. (Some days it's three times, but usually it's twice). Then it'll be time for dessert. He will take 15 minutes to decide he wants vanilla ice cream. Do you have vanilla ice cream? Ummm, yes. We have it and we had it last night and the night before when you were here, too. Ok, so then the bill will come and he will say "$60.00! What did we have that could add up to $60.00?" And he'll call the waiter over and go over every item on the bill and finally whip out the old wallet and pay, all the while bitching that he can't believe it was $60.00. It's highway robbery!

There is one thing you can count on with Pete though. He makes damn sure we're home by 6:30. Why? Why?????? Three words: Wheel of Fortune.

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